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Amanda

We're having our first big spring thunderstorm right now and just like when I was a little girl, I am completely terrified for no apparent reason. My car alarm was already set off once... my cat is completely freaked out. There is so much light outside that it feels like the 4th of July. Some people find this weather soothing... I find it loud and unnecessary. But the sound of raindrops hitting the roof always brings out the thinker in me...

From the day we began wedding planning to now, the grown-up list just seems to grow a little bit bigger each year.  Moving across country to be in a climate that brings us happiness all year round and leaving everything and almost everyone behind... following a not-so-fun plan NOW to be financially secure TOMORROW... choosing the right kind of health benefits that will not only take care of those nasty flu seasons, but will also someday help out with that very expensive process of multiplying... looking at real estate and picturing yourself as a first time home owner (with that big walk in closet) ...

It all seems so real and so close now. And here I thought that it's a breeze after you say those vows! But lucky for me, majority of it is pretty exciting because I share these grown up times with an amazing partner in crime. Someone who's on the same page and who is just as excited about even the slightest little thing that gets us closer to where we want to be. Someone who is the stronger one on days when I begin to doubt my abilities, someone who is always there to point me in the right direction when I suddenly feel lost.. and someone who isn't shy to give me a little push, or a much needed kick in the butt when I feel tempted to take the easier way out.

Looking back at college years all the way into my mid-twenties, I've always been an instant gratification junkie, but even more so during those years of my life. And it's not all that shocking, your 20s are supposed to be the best years of your life, right? Until someone had to tell me that 30s are the new 20s. And I thought, well, that's just silly. The late nights out, wasted time and wasted money.... putting value on things and people that are nothing but a vague memory hanging on by tiny strings that will soon completely disappear into thin air. I get it. I get it now. I'm still not any more patient than I was then, but I am finally starting to feel the satisfaction that comes from becoming a "responsible adult". As much work as it seems to be, right now is the beginning of the best years of my life. And coming to this realization just blows my freaking mind.

Big, intimidating, exciting news y'all

Last night I was asked if I am having an identity crisis. It was a joking matter, but this question truly stuck in my brain. And just now I realized that it's not so much an identity crisis, but more the unable to take control crisis. I give in too easy, and worst of all, I give in too easy to my own unnecessary desires.

Which brings us to my public announcement that by the end of next year or sooner, I've decided to be debt free. This means spending diet, budgeting like crazy and cutting out everything that I do not need and surely cannot afford.

And trust me, there are a lot of things I feel guilty about for even wanting to buy. Like the new iPad, and those fancy headphones, and those sick rims and a bunch of other crap that I don't need right now - like that $2K lens... *SIGH* So I am giving myself until the end of March to plan, prepare, work out the kinks. And once it's April 1st, I may not be as fun. But my priorities will be in order which makes me happy and makes me care less about how it might make someone else feel.

I'm considering cutting out as much clutter as possible, all that unnecessary information that my eyes are exposed to, things I see on Facebook, purchases others are making etc etc... It's pathetic because it feels like cutting out social networking will be harder than spending less money. I will continue my creative work but I will be reshaping it in a way where it's beneficial financially AND mentally. Don't get me wrong, I love the satisfaction of creating something beautiful. But I feel like it's time to start filling personal voids, and if it changes my way, my style or whatever, I am up for the ride.

Moving across country was a huge change. It was a huge cost. Moving that far away is financially and mentally draining. But it was all a part of the plan for a better future. So now that I am here, something even bigger needs to happen. I may not know how it will happen, but I do know that once I am financially where I want to be, my possibilities will be truly endless.

 
On another existing note, my husband's family is in Florida visiting, and I finally had the chance to play dress-up with my gorgeous sister in law Jennissa who happens to be a super talented artist. I haven't started editing this shoot yet, but here's a little peek from my iPhone at what we were up to... 

Treasure your memories

When I was leaving Russia in 1997 to come to the US, I had to pack my whole life in one suitcase. And even though I wanted to fill it with photo albums, I filled it with clothes, toys and other things I felt connected to and couldn't live without. Hmph. 

You see, I come from a family of avid photo takers. You know those biiiiig boxes that refrigerators come in? Now imagine cutting it in half. We had a box that size filled with family photographs. A few years after I moved to the US I found out that this box with our family photos got wet and moldy in storage, and everything in that box was ruined.

Memories of 4 generations were gone. Have you ever looked at your grandparents’ or great-grandparents’ photo albums? People set aside a special time to have their picture taken. I still don't understand why nobody smiled in these... but hey, it was a pretty special occasion nonetheless. Captured, printed, and treasured for generations.

If you asked me to pack a suitcase today, I’d fill it with photographs, and I’d wear one outfit until I was able to buy another one. So much goes wrong with even the most advanced technology today. Print your memories treasure them; store them with the most care.

The one staring back is pretty damn sexy

My favorite subject to photograph? Women of all walks of life. Women who've experienced hardships and soul altering experiences. Life is crazy. Sometimes our bodies do strange things and fail to work the way they are supposed to. Our hearts get broken and we lose our spark. Our scales become our enemies. And over time, the struggle to survive takes a toll on our minds. It even makes us think that we are less beautiful and less desirable. But we continue to push through all the obstacles without even realizing how beautiful our strength makes us.

If you've ever struggled so much that you've often felt less beautiful and less desirable... I want you do something right now. Go to the nearest mirror. The one staring back at you wants credit for all that hard work. And hey, the one staring back at you is pretty damn sexy. I can't cure a deathly illness. And I can't dissolve a war. But I am empowered to show you beauty deeper than what you may see. To me, this is the most rewarding job I've ever taken on. It truly makes me happy and because of this, I will be photographing women for a very long time.

7 essentials prior to your shoot

Alright ladies. You've booked the photographer. You've shopped till you dropped. You've got your hair and makeup stylist booked. Now what? Here's a few essentials to keep in mind prior to your session to maximize your big day:

1. drink lots of water and get lots of rest the week prior to your shoot. your skin and hair will look hydrated, healthy and glowing. avoid salty foods - it leads to water retention in your skin. 
2. the stress that comes with excitement may take a toll on our skin, so instantly we want to cover up any imperfections...  make sure to show up to your stylist with a clean, moisturized face... without any make up. *gasp* I know... but trust your stylist, they're passionate about making you look your best. and that's exactly what they'll do. if your skin is sensitive or requires special product, make sure to bring it. 
3. make sure your nails look clean and manicured. neutral or clear nail polish works with absolutely everything and looks stylish, timeless and sexy.
4. request fake eyelashes. if you like a specific kind, bring your own. it really makes a difference in your portraits. it makes your eyes stand out and makes you feel super sexy and confident as you're fluttering away at the camera. 
5. no-snow undergarments & strapless bra. say no to lines! nude tones work best as they are easily blended next to skin and work well with most outfits. 
6. for boudoir portraits - bring a variety of outfits. think outside the box - corsets, gloves, hats, and don't forget to pack a few pairs of high heels. even if you don't normally wear high heels, the second you pair them up with sexy lingerie - you're instantly feeling irresistible and confident. 
7. most importantly, have fun the morning of your shoot. wake up, eat a nutritious breakfast, jam out to your favorite playlist, sing in the shower, dance in your underwear. whatever you do, do it big and do it loud! pump up your energy level and get ready to have the most amazing time at your shoot! 

Lexas + Michael :: Englewood, FL

I never understood why I hated Chemistry in school, but now it makes sense. I don't want to study it. I want to photograph it. How do you capture the way it feels in your heart when you meet HIM or HER. You know, the way he looks at her when shes not paying attention. The way she wraps her arms around him when he's so close that she can feel his breath on her lips. Easy, I tell you. When you're in love - the whole universe can tell.

I met with Lexas and Michael at Middle Beach in Englewood, FL. And despite the strong and awful smell of the red tide (good timing!) - we stayed there for two hours and had a blast. These two are destined to be models: gorgeous, outgoing, and not shy to change outfits in the middle of a public beach. Towards the end of the shoot big dark clouds rolled in and we slowly began working our way back to our cars. I was sad that we didn't get to see the gorgeous sunset, but the big guy upstairs must have heard me and parted the sky just in time. We ran back down to the beach and Lexas and Michael were totally ready. I didn't even have to tell them what to do. A few minutes later the sun was gone and the locals at the beach were smiling at us as they watched us call it a wrap and high five each other.

I wish these two many years of love and happiness  :) Enjoy! 

Sombre :: Amanda

part one ;) 

model: Amanda 

angel wings designer: Helen Gerro

 

Stephanie